These Times Demand New Contractions

Can't, hasn't, gov't, and 'twon't have served us well through many centuries of linguistic laziness. We have them to thank for our being able to create contrarian, adversarial moods in a conversation in the space of just one syllable, and that's (another good one!) an important thing in these and all days. But like contract killings, contract lenses, and German ska band Lax Alex Contrax, contractions seems to be facing a contracting demand lately. No one says 'tis anymore unless he's quoting somebody dead, and for what reason? 'Tis a completely good contraction. I have created some new contractions for everyone to use in today's world.

Contract contraction fever. (I'm sorry, I can't turn it off.)

ton't - "to not"
usage example: "No, but I do want ton't pick up my room, Mom!"

'trocks/'tblows - "it rocks"/"it blows"
example: "'Trocks that you have a Mewtwo in your deck, but 'tblows that we're 23-year-olds playing Pokemon."
[Disclaimer: I don't even know if that's a good card.]

Here are a few more:

chop'd 'n screw'd
How aboutn't!
Whitec's'le
fo'clozzure
Kardash'n

Get them out there.